Day 0

...and my boss Mushfiq watched the doors of the lift close on me; I travelled the lift down the ground floor. walking out past the security guard I was thinking - I'm not going to do this again. I was feeling joyous, but not trusting this. I keep hearing the term 'mixed feelings' but my feelings aren't mixed; muted maybe but joyous as far as I car detect.

I collected the car from the car park, and park at a meter, My plan was to go straight to Steve at Three Point and collect the new computer, but standing next to the the car I take a deep breath and sense the possibilities. Well, at least the start of possibilities. I walk down into the QV Centre and buy a chocolate ice-cream, then collect the computer.

Polly and Jude are at home when I get there, and they are so happy for me. I'm actually a bit numb. They start getting ready for the choir gig tonight and I lie on the couch under the green blankey. Wow; this is it. I look out the window, then watch some Arrested Development. I'm tempted to rush into things, to start to untangle the swirl of 'things to do' in my head - but I'm not going to do anything at all tonight.

I have a look at my emails - I've had about 40 responses to my leaving. I reply to a couple straight away, especially one person I've only met a few times but liked a lot. I'd like to be able to say that it would be great to meet up in the future but I'm not sure at my stamina for keeping up (and starting) so many friendships. I send a warm but cautious reply. I'm a loner at heart, or at least I've always thought so. But I think - optimistically, naively - anything is possible now. My spots have changed, but am I still a leopard?

When Polly and Jude come home, chattering, in their purple ball gowns - they've been singing at a school fete - I've been speaking to Tony on the phone. We pass the phone around, and most of us speak to most of them. Before long, we watch the first half of the Battlestar Galactica mini-series. I think I'm going to enjoy this.